Ep20: I'm trying to minimise my shit

Some weeks are just a lot. This episode starts with two very different-looking problems — one daughter who's suddenly refusing school, one daughter who's suddenly refusing food — and ends up in the same place both of them usually end up: is this a phase, is this the environment, or is this actually her brain?

Alisha unpacks her daughter's abrupt swing from loving school to dreading it, working through whether it's a friendship issue, a masking-fatigue issue, or something closer to PDA, and the very relatable spiral of trying to have a calm "how was your day" conversation with a six-year-old who has nothing left in the tank to give. Rhiannon shares the equally unsettling shift in her daughter Bunny — sudden pickiness, attitude, and an OT-recommended blood test to rule out a nutrient deficiency before anyone reaches for the word "PDA."

From there the conversation goes somewhere the hosts admit they've avoided for a while: should they actually get their daughters formally assessed and, if needed, medicated for ADHD? They talk through the double standard that lets "naughty little boys" get diagnosed and medicated early while girls get overlooked or told they're "just sensitive," the school-accommodation paperwork that requires a formal diagnosis to unlock, and a doctor's blunt warning about hormones, puberty and RSD that's stuck with them both.

It's not all heavy — the episode also swings into the hosts' own adult executive dysfunction (Rhiannon's years-stalled recertification exam, leaning on ChatGPT for step-by-step instructions like a human doesn't already know how to make a to-do list), a very candid update on Rhiannon's doom-box wardrobe project, and a warm reminder that finding your people — your fellow "neuro sparkly weirdos" — makes the whole thing easier to carry.

What We Talk About in This Episode

• Alisha's daughter's sudden shift from loving school to dreading it, and untangling whether it's friendship dynamics, masking exhaustion, or something more like PDA
• A basketball-to-the-head incident and the challenge of working out what's actually upsetting a six-year-old versus what's just the most recent thing
• Why "how was your day" often gets nothing back, and using write-it-down/indirect strategies to get a real answer later
• Bunny's sudden picky eating and attitude change, and the OT's recommendation to rule out a nutrient deficiency with a blood test before considering PDA
• Offering choices instead of demands, and recognising a PDA-flavoured "no thank you" for what it is
• The big conversation: should we get our daughters formally assessed, and would we medicate them?
• The double standard around ADHD medication — why "disruptive" boys get diagnosed and medicated early while girls fly under the radar
• Why school accommodations often require a formal diagnosis on paper, not just a parent's observation
• A doctor's warning about puberty, hormones and RSD, and why that's shifted the hosts' thinking on timing
• Perfectionism, generational guilt, and parenting differently to how they were raised
• A school system built for the "average" kid, and what that means for kids who are struggling or excelling
• Executive dysfunction in adulthood: "I know the answer, I just can't start," and leaning on ChatGPT for step-by-step task breakdowns
• Why systems and scaffolding don't always stick, and choosing self-compassion over self-blame when they fall off
• Medication as something that doesn't change who you are — it just makes the doing part possible
• The doom-box wardrobe project: sorting, under-bed chaos, and the idea of public accountability via Instagram
• Body doubling, Alexa AM/PM checklists, and other accountability tools that actually work
• Finding your people — hyperfocusing on Lego with a fellow "neuro sparkly weirdo" — and why community matters

Key Takeaways

• A sudden, sharp behaviour change in a child — whether it's school avoidance or food refusal — is worth investigating from multiple angles at once: physical (nutrient deficiencies, blood tests), social (friendship dynamics), and neurological (PDA, anxiety, masking fatigue), rather than assuming it's "just a phase."
• ADHD in girls is still routinely overlooked because the diagnostic picture was built around "disruptive" boys — quieter struggles like people-pleasing, sudden meltdowns after school, or picky eating don't fit the stereotype, so they get missed or dismissed.
• Formal diagnosis isn't just a label — for many families it's the only way to unlock real school accommodations, which is worth knowing before deciding to "wait and see."
• Executive dysfunction doesn't disappear when you become an adult — "I know what to do, I just can't start it" is a genuine, common experience, and outsourcing the step-by-step (to a person, an app, or even ChatGPT) is a legitimate strategy, not a personal failing.
• Medication doesn't change who your child is — it can simply make it possible for them to do the things they already want to do.

Who This Episode Is For

Parents wrestling with whether to pursue a formal ADHD assessment or medication for their child, especially a daughter whose struggles don't look like the "naughty boy" stereotype. Anyone who has ever known exactly what they need to do and still couldn't make themselves start. And anyone currently living next to their own doom box, wondering if today's the day it finally gets sorted.

A Message From This Episode

You don't need to have it all figured out — not for your kid's brain, not for your own. Whether it's a diagnosis, a blood test, a body double, or just admitting the wardrobe box has been there for six months, asking for the support you actually need isn't failure. It's how you get to the doing part.

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